


A Letter to Bobby

by seaavery1



Series: Dean in Therapy [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Mild Self-Hatred, Therapy, brief mention of alcohol, very light angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 02:20:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8038420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seaavery1/pseuds/seaavery1
Summary: Dean has been going to therapy for more than six months now, but has been avoiding writing anymore letters. Can he overcome his own fear and write at least one more?





	A Letter to Bobby

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation of my earlier therapy fic, Ten Sessions. If you haven't read that one, it might be better to read first. I am planning on adding additional installments to this series. This is pretty much a lot of fluff, with some very mild angst. No beta for this one and barely any editing, so I apologize for any errors. 
> 
> As always, I love any and all feedback. Thanks for reading!

 

Dean couldn’t believe he’d been going to therapy for a little over six months now. His sessions with Laura had started out as once a week, but during the last few months they had gone to down to maybe twice a month. A lot of that due to the fact that they had been taking on a lot more cases. Much to Dean’s surprise, he had found himself missing the sessions during the weeks he went without one. But he dared not tell anyone that. 

Sam and Cas would occasionally tell him how proud they were of him and Dean would usually roll his eyes and try and change the subject. But in reality their words made him happier than he could ever truly say. Dean had also managed to keep his drinking down. He would have the occasional beer, but he found himself reaching for water more often than not and he found that he was able to fall asleep without the aide of alcohol. 

But there was one thing Dean had been slacking on. Something Laura made sure to bring up at the end of every session. The letters. He had only written the one letter to his mom and then nothing since. Each time he would promise Laura that the next session he would do it, but then he would find himself sitting in her office making excuses again. He had too much work to do. He was sick. Pen broke.

Dean was sitting in Laura’s office toward the end of another session and he was dreading  _ that _ question. Laura finished writing a little note and looked up at him. “So, Dean, I’m guessing you know what I’m going to ask you next.”

Dean wiped his hands on his jeans. “Yeah, you know I was thinking about that.” He crossed his arms. “I don’t think I need to do that letter writing thing after all.”

“Really? Why’s that?” She crossed her legs and put her pen down. 

He shrugged. “I just don’t think it’s for me.”

She got that look on her face that Dean hated. That look that said she knew he was full of shit. “Well, I can’t make you do it.” He hated that even more. “But I will say that you felt a huge relief when you wrote that first letter. Did you not?”

“Yeah.” And it was the truth. Ever since he had written that letter he felt like had some sort of closure with the loss of his mom. It wasn’t like he didn’t miss her. Because he did, every day. It was just that the ache in his heart didn’t hurt as much anymore.

“Okay, then I just think you should consider how much better you might feel if you wrote some more.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Dean chewed his lip. “Although, maybe the first one was the only one I really needed to write.”

Laura let out a little sigh and Dean could tell she was getting annoyed. But she tried to hide that. “Like I said, I can’t make you. Just something to think about.”

“Okay.”

She grabbed her appointment book and opened up. “So, when would you like to come next?”

“Um...we can try for two weeks.” 

“Okay, sounds good.” She wrote down their next appointment and stood up. “I’ll see you in a couple weeks Dean.”

He nodded and walked out of her office.

* * *

 

Dean was lying in bed, trying to watch some action flick, but it just couldn’t hold his attention. He glanced over to his bedside table and smiled at the photo of his mom. He reached over and picked the frame up, turning it over. He opened up the back of the frame and pulled out the letter he had written her months ago. He smiled, opened it and began to read.

After Dean had finished reading the letter, he put it away and placed the frame back on the side of his bed. He tried to return to the movie, but all interest had gone out the window. Dean got out of bed and tried to find some music to listen to. While he was browsing his vinyl collection he came across a Kenny Rogers record that Bobby had given him. Dean placed the record on the old record player and the familiar notes of  _ The Gambler _ filled the room. He smiled.

Without thinking about it, Dean headed over to the desk in the corner, sat down and began to write.

* * *

 

Dean was sitting in the waiting room outside Laura’s office. He glanced up at the clock; still five minutes till his session was to start. He tried not to do that too often, but he was actually so excited about coming today that he rushed out the door almost a half an hour earlier than he had intended.

Laura’s office door opened and she smiled at Dean. “You’re early.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“It’s perfectly all right.” She motioned him inside. “Have a seat Dean. I’m just going to run to the restroom.” 

Dean stepped inside her office and took a seat on the couch. He reached inside his pocket and pulled out the folded piece of paper. Dean sat there watching the door an anxiously waiting for her return. He almost laughed at himself. He felt like a child bringing home a straight A report card to his parents. 

After a couple minutes Laura returned. “Do you want any water?” Dean shook his head. Laura sat down across from him and took out her pen and notepad. “How have you been, Dean?”

“Good. Good. Yeah, look I wrote another letter.” He said it so quickly that he almost laughed. Jesus, Dean, get a hold of yourself. It’s only a letter. But when Laura smiled at him he instantly filled with pride. 

“That’s great, Dean.”

“Yeah.”

She glanced down at the letter in his hands. “Do you want to read it?” Dean nodded. “Great, whenever you’re ready Dean.”

Dean unfolded the letter. “I wrote it to Bobby.” She smiled. “I told you who Bobby was, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, I thought I did.” Suddenly his throat felt very dry. “Do you think I can get that water?”

“Of course.” She grabbed a water for Dean and handed it to him.

“Thanks.” Dean took a swallow and then looked down at the letter. He could do this. Dean cleared his throat and begin.

 

_ Dear Bobby, _

_ I bet you never thought you’d get a letter from me, huh? To be honest, I can’t even believe I’m writing this.  _

Dean shifted in his seat and took another sip of water.

_ I know you’re never gonna believe me, but I recently started going to therapy. Okay, you can stop laughing now. But in all honesty I think it’s been helping. I know what you would say, “No shit you idjit.”  _

Dean let out a little laugh.

_ I was listening to one of your old records tonight and I swear I heard your laughter. Something we sadly didn’t get to hear enough of when you were alive. And it got me to thinking. You, Sammy, my dad, all of us; we’ve lived this life of tragedy for so long that it’s become second nature. Anything that deviates from that seems so out of place. And I wish so badly that you could’ve had that normal life that you deserved. I wish you could’ve grown old with your wife. Turned into that grumpy old man that tells the kids to stay off his lawn.  _

_ I know you don’t think you could have ever been a father, but you were. You were the one that threw a ball with me. You were the one who fought for me to have even one day of normalcy. And I know you got a lot of shit for that. But I want you to know that I will always be grateful for the little slice of normal you gifted me. I wish I had told you that before. I wish a lot of things.  You didn’t deserve to die the way you did. You didn’t deserve to go through the hell that you did. But I guess none of us do.  _

Dean sniffed and tried to fight the tears in his eyes.

_ I know that there were times I let you down and God, some of the things you’ve done since you passed...let’s just say it haunts me to think how you might have reacted. Hell, sometimes it keeps me up at night. _

Dean swallowed.

_ But I also now know that you were proud of me. And I got to say that’s a pretty awesome feeling. As you know,  all I’ve ever wanted was to make my family proud of me. And family don’t end in blood.  _

_ Okay, now I have the cheesiest confession to make and you better not laugh. You see I have these dreams sometimes where you and I are sitting out on some deck somewhere, listening to some old records and we’re just quiet. Just enjoying the music and the peace. No demons to fight and no catastrophe coming. I know it sounds corny as hell, but those dreams are some of my favorites. And when I wake up I like to imagine that maybe your Heaven is like that. Just peace, good music and good company. Because you deserve that, Bobby. More than most people I know.  _

_ And when the day comes that I really die I hope that I can be a part of that Heaven. And for the first time ever, I’m starting to believe I deserve that.  _

Dean felt the tears wetting his cheeks, but he didn’t care.

_ I can almost see you smiling having read that. Dean Winchester actually thinking he deserves something good? I’m just as shocked as you are. But I’m starting to feel it now. Heck, sometimes I’ll look in the mirror and instead of seeing a reflection I can barely stand, I see a survivor. And that feels pretty damn good.  _

_ So, here’s to you Bobby. One of the best men I’ve ever known. Thank you for letting me be your family. _

_ Your son, _

 

_ Dean _

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if there is anyone else you would like to see Dean write a letter to or anything you would like him to cover in therapy. Thanks again for reading. <3


End file.
